IMAGE // Sweet Remedy

I think I want to juice fast.

As you well know I’m sure, Reader, juice fasting isn’t a decision to be taken lightly.  One could choke (har) on all the special arrangements one needs to make to turn that lofty ambition into a reality.  Namely: Buying a juicer, carting around that juicer to work to make your special drinks, regular access to fresh fruits and vegetables, energy to take yourself to the grocery store to obtain said fruits and vegetables, willpower to not buy Oreos while you’re there, and most importantly, a bed to lay yourself down in after the grocery trip, which was totally exhausting.

BUT. I think it’s worth it. Ross and I just watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and one of the men in the documentary — a 400-pound trucker — damn near bursted my tear duct glands with his moving story.  He lost over 200 pounds juicing, turned his life totally around, got off all his medication, and has now devoted his life to helping others get healthy.  He looks wonderful now.

(You should know that stories like that are, to me, crack. I absolutely adore before-and-after, so-and-so-lost-a-million-pounds tales. The Biggest Loser?  I can hardly make it through one episode without fist-pumping so hard I injure my inner elbow.)

I also listened to you guys when you suggested replacing my morning coffee with a protein shake, which I make and drink now faithfully, each and every day. I use hemp protein in mine, prompting my brother-in-law to call it my “pot shakes.” They’re delicious, and don’t worry, I’m not getting high.  (I don’t think.)

I think the minimum you’re supposed to juice cleanse, however, is 10 days. Ten days! I’ve attempted to Master Cleanse before, and have lasted about two and half. The last time, I also savagely ravaged gently broke my cleanse by consuming a bag of salted mix nuts. My digestive tract is here to tell you that that’s not a good idea.

So. Have any of you juice cleansed before?

(What am I saying. This is Austin. Probably ALL OF YOU have juice cleansed before.)

I’m inspired to try it, having watched that documentary. Also, guess what?  Juiceland just opened up literally four blocks away from my house. The last time I went there, I ordered something called a “Triple Double,” which is made with three different kinds of protein powders, and I’m fairly certain is administered to power lifters in training for Mr. Global Universe Man or whatever.  But it was pretty darn good, I have to say.

Anyway, back on track Moseley. Juicing. Have you done it?  If so, any tips?